Greater than Magic
by VictorianLegend07
Summary: Merlin comes to a sudden realization of his true feelings for Arthur after Arthur arrives later than expected from a rare quest which he was not invited to. With the obvious mutual affection between Arthur and Gwen, Merlin tries to cope...and then FAILS to. (Merthur)
1. Chapter 1

**Greater than Magic**

**A/N:** I'm actually trying to do the "DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN" thing where I try to write at least 500 words a day (small steps) to stop my writing prowess from stagnating, and as a result, I am putting my attentions to this fic I begun quite a while back. With my efforts to comply with the chain, expect somewhat regular updates from me. :D (Also posted in AO3 account: /works/1117378)

**Prologue**

Merlin may be a sorcerer, but even he knows when things are impossible. There are simply situations, occurrences, which cannot be tampered with or else the entire balance on which the world hangs upon will be upturned, and possibly never be brought back to right again.

Love is one such thing. Its overwhelming pillar of power is sturdier and rooted deeper than the largest, oldest trees which manage to cling unto the forest floor throughout centuries, witnessing the passing of time with an unchanging dexterity of disposition. Magic is not the strongest force in the world, for it is in fact love, a force proven so great since the beginning of time that even the deadliest sorcery can be thwarted by it, and cunning plans of revenge can be broken by true love's first kiss.

Merlin knows that he was born with a special ability that made him stronger than most people he knows, and when he came of age and was sent to Camelot, he was made aware of the great responsibility that is set upon his shoulders that came with his extraordinary capabilities. Although every step that he took to self-awareness has evoked in him a sense of surprise and wonder, like the first time he was able to do something great with his magic by suddenly stopping time to save a glass of precious, precious milk from crashing onto the floor when he was but five years old, and the time when he first saved Arthur's life and felt a deep sense of satisfaction and rightness, as if he was meant to protect Arthur, it is love that one day sneaks up on him and brings him into a bone deep shock that makes him tingle all over, his jaw slackening, and his heart beating thrice as fast as he knows is safe and normal.

The day Arthur comes back from one of his rare trips where Merlin was not asked to tag along more than a week later than his scheduled arrival and three days since Merlin has been reduced to a restless, panic-stricken, bumbling fool that followed any and all clues he could find on Arthur's whereabouts , slightly bruised where his armor is not protecting him but with his back still casually leaning slightly back and a smile on his face when he meets eyes with Merlin's glistening ones, Merlin grasps a force that starts from his chest and spreads throughout his whole body that he knows at once can topple his immense power.

He loves Arthur, and not all the magic in the world can change that.

Unfortunately, it is the same magic that he cannot use to change the odds into his heart's favor. He realizes this soon after he finds out the extent of his feelings when he takes a tentative, almost mindless step forward towards Arthur, probably to hug him, or even just touch him to reassure himself that yes, Arthur is truly back, and is made to stop as Guinevere beat him to it, running towards the King with outstretched arms and a large smile on her face with not a single thing holding her back as she flung her whole body, her whole self upon Arthur the way that a lover, not a mere servant is allowed to do, and Arthur does nothing to stop her, welcoming her into waiting arms that encloses her a second after they make contact.

How Merlin's chest hurt and his stomach makes as if to curl inside, twisted and unbearable. And truly, he wants to come join them and smile at his friend sovereign like he usually did, accompanied with a slight smack on the head, but he cannot stop himself as his body turns away from the sight. He feels love like a physical threat between him and Arthur, and when he is made to choose between fighting it and running away from it, he chose to go.

Jokingly, he thinks to himself as he lies on his bed, curled and covered by his thin sheets with dried tracks on his face while he stares at his trembling right hand, that he is a lover, not a fighter. Too bad it doesn't feel as funny as it sounds.

No one bothers him from his quarters that night even when he is technically skipping his duties when Arthur probably really needs his domestic assistance for once. All are too busy celebrating the safe arrival of the king: dozens are probably waiting on him in his place.

Just as well, he thinks. He needs the night to readjust his gears to accommodate the extra load on his chest and be able to function like normal the following days.

When the sun rises with the coming dawn, he wakes up with a start when Gaius bangs loudly at his door to notify him that his workday has already begun. He grumbles but is able to give the old man a smile on his way out.

He will be just fine.


	2. Chapter 1: Walking Away

**Chapter One: Walking Away**

**A/N: **In all honesty, I have only watched up to S3 of Merlin. I'm quite late in the fandom, sadly. Thus, I am making this story in an AU timeline where Arthur is now king of Camelot and has accepted back into the kingdom magic users. He has also already learned of Merlin's power, but only just recently, thus Merlin's continued station as his servant.

**Chapter Summary: **With the realization of his love for Arthur, Merlin finds it to hard remain indifferent in his king's presence.

Merlin takes a much needed breath as he silently enters the King's quarters. Given the busy nature of the previous night, it is almost a given that Arthur would still be slumbering beneath his sheets. Not that Arthur makes it a habit to wake up early any other day without much prompting, but he did become more responsible after becoming the sovereign ruler, waking up when he absolutely has to in order to continue the peaceful ruling of the kingdom.

The quiet snores that greets Merlin with the breakfast tray in hand slows the rapid beating in his chest, and he endeavors to move as quietly as possible as he goes about some of his routines in order to keep his king asleep. He surely wouldn't be questioned nor bothered much later because of his choice when there is nothing urgent currently going on, he thinks—he would have been informed otherwise, and everyone knows of the harrying ordeals their king went through to return to his beloved Camelot to collectively want his full recovery.

However, Merlin has never been a very lucky man. Perhaps in exchange for his great power came his debilitating clumsiness and lack of bodily coordination that makes his limbs flail beyond his control, enough so that Arthur often makes it a note to give the time of day to tease Merlin about it. After placing the tray upon the side table, he hastily turns in want to finish his duties as fast as he can, only to miscalculate his distance from the wine jar and have his left elbow crash into it, successfully creating a loud clanking as the metal of the jar meets with that of the tray's and a loud splash to grace the room as the wine spills, soaking some of the meat and bread.

Merlin cannot even flinch as he freezes, hoping and praying to all the powers in the universe that the lack of any further noise would deter the imminent waking of Arthur.

It would seem that any other supernatural power beyond his control is not in his favor today for the snores immediately ceases, and in place of it, a deep rumbling ensues. From his peripheral vision, Merlin sees Arthur rise, sitting up and exposing his bare torso with skin looking pale and smooth if not for some bruises and scratches that colors and textures it in parts. His hair is ruffled, and while Merlin had always found it a bit adorable, to his surprise, he is currently finding it greatly endearing, the urge to run his fingers through it to straighten out the tangles stronger than he has ever felt before.

Arthur's mouth is in a frown, his brows furrowed, and his nose crinkled in a pained grimace, looking around for the source of disturbance. Merlin is comically still in the exact same incriminating position, and Arthur swiftly zeroes in on him.

"_Merlin._" He says, and the familiar accusing tone and the underlying 'idiot' that usually comes with it finally, _finally_, makes Merlin move, awkward smile in place, one hand on his back and another raised in greeting.

"Hi." He replies, quickly putting his arm down to meet with the other behind him as it begun to tremble like the leaf his entire being felt like in the sudden gush of his emotions.

"What the _hell_ are you doing causing such a ruckus in the—_is that my breakfast you just ruined?_" Arthur gapes at the soggy mess on his table, groans, and flops back to bed. "Merlin, my first day back after risking my life to fight off some mythical monster on the outskirts, and all I want is a relaxing morning with _decent_ breakfast, and you already messed things up. I wonder why I don't just replace you, you horrible man-servant."

Merlin takes a few calming breaths, trying to still the nervous tremors in his body before making a quick apology and an offer to clean up and bring some more breakfast. Apparently, he took too long to answer because now, Arthur is eying him up. And really, Merlin has always known that Arthur was not hard on the eyes, but it seems that his newly discovered emotions is only seeing him for the first time and is now causing palpitations and a heat to slowly creep up his cheeks as he takes his view of the man who is using his elbow to raise his upper body as he turns and properly looks at him, half naked, but with the way the sheets are covering the rest of him, might as well be fully so in his traitorous mind. He gulps.

"Are you alright? Did you finally hit your head hard enough while I was gone? Stop your gaping and move on already."

While Arthur's questions drips with as much insult as per usual, Merlin still manages to hear the underlying concern at the gentle ending note, the confused tilting upwards of his eyebrows, and the worried frown that pushed his lower lip in an almost pout. Arthur's concern touches him in a way that makes him want to step towards Arthur and reassure him of his well-being. Instead, he takes a wobbly step back, nods frantically. "Fine! I'm perfectly fine! Uh..let me just get some more food." He moves to quickly gather the ruined food and wipe clean the spill, feeling Arthur's gaze on him the entire time. He almost ran to get out. With the way his thoughts are consistently spiraling down from infatuated to completely love-struck, he figures it best to gather his wits first.

As he walks through the many corridors that leads to the kitchens, he thinks briefly how it would affect his work if he is unable to quickly get over the ridiculousness of feeling like a maiden head-over-heels in love that could faint every time his king's attention is put on him, but he forcefully fights the thought down by willing to believe that what he is feeling is simply a phase. Surely, if one could fall in love in such a sudden rush of emotions, one could as easily fall out of love? Or at least, he should be able to control his reactions .

Perhaps he needs to have counsel with Lancelot, he thinks, and endeavors to look for him in the training grounds later after he has fulfilled all of his duties.

It takes him a while longer than usual to make it back from the kitchens to Arthur's chambers. When he finally arrives, he sees Arthur already dressed and examining his sword. The moment that he notices Merlin's presence, he sheathes his blade, hands it to him, and points to where the rest of his assemble is. "I need you to clean and polish my sword, my armor, and my boots. My horse also needs a bath, and make sure that the stables are clean when you put him back there." He then proceeds to go to his breakfast to take his fill.

Merlin feels relieved as Arthur seems ready to let go of the strangeness he caused in their morning routine earlier. He stands at the side while Arthur finishes his food, content to have passed the harrying event relatively unscathed. Merlin listens to him ratting off the tale of his heroic battle with a rare chimaera that has been causing some disturbance in the far lying villages. Due to its observed flighty behavior, he had been advised to face it alone to entice it enough for it to present itself and engage in a fight. He narrates in great detail how he made fast action once the it showed itself, aiming for its biggest head for a quick kill only to be thwarted when the creature turned out to be good on its hind legs, leaping out of reach and breathing fire.

Melin finds himself inexplicably feeling his stomach jump at every mention of a near death encounter and lets himself huff out a breath at every victorious maneuver. By the end of the tale, he is embarrassingly flushed, wishing more than ever to have been with Arthur during the whole ordeal.

"…and Merlin, I wish you were there with me to witness the entire thing. I'm sure you would have finally realized how lucky you are to be serving such a great warrior such as myself."

It would seem that Arthur shares the same wishes, although with admittedly different motives. It took more than it should not to proclaim his undying loyalty alongside his undying love right that instant. Arthur had long come past the point of having to prove his worth to Merlin. Merlin already knows of Arthur's prowess as a knight given the numerous instances they have fought together and watched each other's back, albeit without Arthur's full knowing. However, more importantly, Merlin knows of the true extent of his goodness and right to the crown by virtue of his actions and his pure intentions for the continued prosperity of Camelot and its people, enough so to willingly tie his fate completely to Arthur in loyalty and in service.

"Yes. Yes, I would have loved to see that. I would have loved y—to see you." He mutters, almost mumbling by the end when his statement came too close to the truth. He grits his teeth and, while Arthur preens by himself and stands to prepare himself to go out, Merlin moves in quick, practiced motions to clear the food items and cutleries, running off for the second time that day while spewing excuses about wanting to finish his duties early because Gaius…might need him, "…actually, he wants me back early to gather some herbs for his…hair growing ointment. Bye!"

Lancelot. He needs to see Lancelot.

Merlin does quick work in the stables, using his magic to help him do it more efficiently and faster. Given the new decree declaring magic users as accepted citizens of Camelot with equal rights to non-magic users, Merlin have been increasingly more open to using his powers in public, although being frightened for being himself for the past several years, he still sometimes feel a sudden leap in his chest in nervous tension when someone catches him at it without him knowing.

Right now though, he does not mind the envious staring of the other stable boys. After making sure that all mess has been cleared and Arthur's metals polished, he runs out to the training grounds where several of the knights can be found sparring with each other in order, trying to find each other's weak spots and working on them. Today though, Arthur, who is often part of their training and warrior bonding, is missing, probably taking it easy for now to recuperate from his journey. This works well for Merlin, who immediately finds his target battling Sir Percival.

Waiting for the fight to be over, he waits on the sidelines, surveying each knight with appreciation for both their physical prowess and their well-built physiques as well which he is having trouble ignoring, especially now after discovering his part in quite impossible an love affair. Perhaps if he indulged in other men…

The clanging of swords stops as one of the knights shouts for a break, and Merlin calls out to Lancelot, who in turn faces him with a handsome smile, wiping the back of his hand on his forehead to stop the flow of sweat.

"Merlin! What brings you here?"

"Listen. Um…" he eyes the curious looks they were receiving, answering with a flailing limb the raised hands acknowledging his presence. "Can we talk somewhere a bit private?"

Lancelot raises an eyebrow at him but only follows him quietly when he heads to an unpopulated space on the perimeter of the training grounds.

Upon making sure that they were out of anyone's earshot, Merlin stops and turns towards Lancelot. "I…" only to halt. He did not really think through how he would word this out. Should he simply confess his love for Arthur or should he conceal his situation by weaving it as another's tale?

Lancelot frowns when nothing forthcoming comes out from him. "Is it something serious, Merlin? Is Camelot in danger?"

Merlin shakes his head, opens his mouth and tries again, gaping like a fish as an inevitable result. A puzzled look crosses Lancelot's features as he tries and fails to make sense of the aborted noises coming from Merlin.

After a few more seconds of utter failure, Merlin snaps his mouth shut and takes a steadying breath.

"I'm in love with Arthur!"

Lancelot blinks at him and Merlin feels a slithering frustration as the knight does not make any other reaction. He taps his foot on the ground, grits his teeth together, and frowns hard.

"Well, what do you think about it?" he prompts when a couple more seconds of tested patience prove unfruitful. In response, he finds strong hands closing on his shoulders, pushing him down to sit on a stone structure somewhere behind him. Shocked and wide-eyed, he watches as Lancelot falls on one knee in front of him, putting his face uncomfortably close to him. Well.

"Lancelot-"

"Merlin, are you sure about that? Are you absolutely sure? Without question, your heart belongs to the king and no one else?"

There is a tightness in the knight's voice that Merlin's throat suddenly echoed, his heart suddenly beating frantically as he tries to gauge the reaction. He makes a small nod. "Yes." He whispers.

Lancelot sighs and moves back a few inches. "Merlin, this is serious. As your friend and as…as a man who…" there is a hitch in his breath as if he is finding it hard to continue. "Merlin, I love Gwen."

Once again, Merlin could only nod and answer in a soft voice. "I know. That's…I know it's impossible. That I have no chance whatsoever. Arthur loves Gwen and Gwen…This is why I came to you first." The knight inclines his head in subdued acknowledgement. "I just realized my feelings, and I need to deal with it."

Despite desperate hoping that all this will simply simmer down to nothing, Merlin is not naïve enough to believe that it would be easy to get over his love for Arthur and that it is entirely possible never to get over it. However, he does know that he must be with Arthur and that he there are ways with which he can control himself, much like Lancelot does whenever he is in the presence of Guinevere. He simply needs to learn how.

With a force, his frustration build in his chest and in an instant, he is standing, pacing in front of his friend who stood up and stepped back in response. "I can't be far from him, Lancelot. It is my destiny to stand by his side as he fulfills the prophecy and builds Albion that would unite kingdoms in a time of peace, but with these…these emotions!" he gestures violently at himself and sees his hands shaking in the process. "God! Suddenly it's as if I can find all the reasons to touch him, and it hurts not being able to. And when I think of how…how I'll never be able to. I feel like letting it all out to him, to confess in the small hope …that he will love me back."

He pauses and turns a pleading gaze at Lancelot. "I can't be with him like this. Tell me how to stop this. Please….I know …with Gwen. Tell me how you are able to stand by her, talk to her without giving everything away!"

For a few moments, none of them speaks. There is only the sound of distant knights grumbling, talking, and laughing, oblivious to the great troubles the two of their acquaintances have found themselves in. It is kind of weird how something so normal as people going about their daily routines now feel so alien in the face of new emotion. Now there is love. Now there is heartbreak. Merlin's fists clench, his nails digging hard in his palms the same way his teeth are imprinting themselves on his lower lip. The more seconds that passes that he looks at Lancelot and there is no answer forthcoming, the lower his shoulder sags, heavier his breath becomes, the deeper the crease between his eyebrows form, the harder the painful thudding in his chest.

"I…I do not know how to stop it, Merlin." There is a sound of desperation in Lancelot's voice, making him sound almost apologetic. "It is still painful. As long as my heart beats for her, it will hurt to see hers beat for another. "

He smiled self-deprecatingly at himself. He embraces Merlin tightly, turning his head to his ear, whispering as he jostles Merlin in his arms in camaraderie. "But we will survive, Merlin. We would still be there for them, even if it hurts because we love them and we believe in them. We just have to bear it down as best as we can"

Merlin could not help but lean into Lancelot, nuzzling his face in the warmth of his neck. Moisture gathers on his eyes, but no tear falls. More than crying, what he does is be overwhelmed at the sudden turn that his future seems to promise him, and for that, he needs Lancelot's solidity and understanding.

They stay attached to each other for a few moments until a shout calling the knights to gather back makes Lancelot pull back. He ruffles Merlin's hair a little.

"I have to go, my friend. But know you can always come to me to talk."

Merlin nods, watching Lancelot walk back to the others before leaving.

The next few days turns out as hard as Merlin predicted, sometimes even harder. He keeps finding himself flustered over his usual routines. Preparing Arthur's bath has become monumentally tasking as his thoughts seem to halt at every glimpse of skin normally covered by his clothes. Seeing it glistening wet in the short moments before the king dries himself, Merlin has become more familiar with using sorcery in manners he never thought we would to hide his reactions. He finds a little expanding trick on his trousers goes a long way, and suddenly falling décor is quite the convenient distraction.

Mostly, he tries to distance himself. He would never truly leave Arthur; he thinks he would not be able to even if wants to, but he could avoid unnecessary interaction. In the morning, he leaves Arthur's presence the moment he receives his orders and he finishes his initial morning duties. He stops complaining, minimizing his grumbling in the king's presence to avoid them arguing. In fact, he thinks he's become a better servant. He focuses on his tasks more to stop his thoughts from straying to Arthur and chats more with the other servants during his extra time to divert his attention. Now he knows more palace gossip than he had before this whole thing.

Despite the now constant undercurrent of pain inside his chest and the sudden bursts of sentiment when he misses Arthur, everything else is going quite well if he says so himself, allowing him to breathe a little easier. The only slightly concerning thing that occurs as a result is that he sometimes catches Arthur studying him with an incomprehensible expression that is a mix of confusion, bewilderment, and something else he cannot name. He dismisses it as a natural reaction to the sudden change in behavior, and as long as Arthur does not voice anything out, he deems it not as serious as him finding out what is truly going on. Arthur would soon get used to it. It also helped that a visiting royalty took most of the king's attention, talking about possible treatises and shared opportunity for trade. With how things are going uninterrupted, Merlin thinks he may just grow accustomed to this new way of serving his king.

A week passes, and he has only once come to Lancelot after the initial talk they had. It was after a night's banquet to bade the royal visitors farewell. Everyone, including Merlin, were feeling a bit drunk. He had been asked to pour some wine as Arthur raised his goblet, but he wobbled, nearly spilling his drink if not for Arthur catching an elbow with his free hand and steadying him. Arthur had smirked at him, leaning in close to whisper.

"You seem to have gotten a thing for spilling my wine. I say stop wasting good alcohol and drink some with me instead." He was quite obviously in a good mood, and when he pulled back, he took the jar from Merlin, poured its content on his goblet himself, and offered it to Merlin. "Cheers?"

Merlin smiled contentedly and full of happiness at Arthur, drunk the offering, banged the goblet on the table, and placed a hand at Arthur's shoulder when he swayed on the spot before realizing what he was doing. He excused himself to the loo, which earned him a laugh and a friendly arm slap from Arthur who shooed him away.

He found himself at the castle entrance where he sees Lancelot. Lancelot was never much for losing himself with alcohol, but Merlin decided nonetheless that he would rather make a fine drinking companion. It turns out he was even though he kept refusing a drink. Merlin shared a couple of his frustrations but deigned it better to just forget for the night. They joked a bit and talked of home instead, and soon, Merlin fell asleep.

It is the eight day without too much of an incident. Feeling a tad more confident, Merlin makes his way towards Arthur's room to do some dusting. Arthur should be in the throne room this afternoon to listen to some of the villagers' complaints, so he does not bother to knock.

However, as soon as the door budges the smallest bit, he hears soft voices coming out. One of them was Arthur's, and the other is a woman's. Gwen's.

"…talked to him yet?" he hears Gwen's sweet voice speak full of concern.

"No. It's not exactly something I can just ask. I mean, he's not exactly doing anything wrong…which is exactly what's wrong!"

Merlin tenses, having an idea of what may have caused this conversation.

"But you two are friends. Just ask him if something happened to him that he may want to talk about."

"Why don't_ you_ ask him if you think it's so easy?" there is evident frustration in Arthur's voice, and the consequent pacing reflected his agitation.

"Oh I will."

"Gwen…"

"Come here, Arthur. You two have been together almost attached to the hip these last few years. I think you've already earned it to be able to ask him if he's okay." 

"…"

"…Arthur?"

Merlin bites his lip. Arthur is concerned about him, that is very much obvious. He could not help but feel the warmth of hope to spread in his chest, making him smile almost unconsciously. It is wonderful to know that he has firmly established his place at Arthur's side that his king is able to feel such desire to understand him. It is not often that sovereigns have placed such great importance to their servants, and it continues to amaze Merlin he had such luck to have his destiny tied to such a person.

He raised his fist to knock. Perhaps if he showed himself right this moment, he can alleviate some of Arthur's fear.

"I do not know what I would do without you, Guinevere."

"Well, let us both hope you never do."

Or not. Merlin takes a quick step back as if pushed by some invisible force that covered his entire body with a cool sensation, pain pulsing in his chest in sudden appearance he lost a breath. Without much conscious thought, he turns and begins walking away. This is dangerous territory. He cannot come in to that room with such _hope_. It is just as well that he has been reminded of his place, for truly, this pain would prove dull compared to what awaits him in the face of Arthur's rejection, disgust, and _disappointment_.

Halfway across the corridor, a few more steps to the turn that would hide him completely from anyone coming from the room, the door opens and Arthur comes out. Merlin freezes mid-step, and it would have been funny if not from the sheer terror of Arthur seeing everything on his face which he has not had the time to hide.

"Merlin?!" Arthur's surprise is followed by Guinevere's quiet gasp as she peers from behind him.

Merlin cannot risk it. He does not face them. He straightens, though, and hardens his voice from the tremble he feels in his breath. "Oh! I—I'm quite in a hurry. If you don't mind?"

He walks away, and he almost feels like crying in relief when no one tries to stop him. At least that is what he says to himself as his eyes prickle.

**A/N:** Has been adding 500-1000 words to this fic these past few days. Still going strong in the "Don't Break The Chain" thing! Hopefully, I am able to continue my consistency.)

Also, reviews are very much welcome!


	3. A Better Servant

**A/N:** I know I said I'll be updating regularly but failed to do so. It's embarrassing to admit, but I broke the chain.;^; And now I have a day job to add to that. I'm sorry.  
Anyway, that's that. Here's another chapter. I've had this for some time, but I only just found the will to edit it. Hope you continue to enjoy the story. ^^  
Thank you so much for the reviews! :)

**Chapter Summary:** Merlin discovers the price of being a better servant.

**Chapter 2**

Sometimes, there is simply a need for a person to be alone. And in such a city as Camelot, there is no better place to spend it than in the tavern where no one takes notice unless one brings attention to one's self to order some ale that would be readily provided. Merlin finds himself in **Two Hats**, a pub owned by a magic user he helped once. His first drink is always on the house.

He sits at a corner table, watching the hustle and bustle of the regulars. It is getting late in the day, and even with some light left, there is already a considerable number of people. There are shouts for more alcohol, widespread flirting among the men and the barmaids, banging on the tables, and scraping of chairs against the floor. It all seems surreal when the loudest thing he can hear is still his beating heart. He picks up his ale and gives it a tentative sip.

He thought that he was doing fine, that things were somewhat under control. In fact, everything had been going quite smoothly until the last few hours, but it turns out he was wrong. Now he does not know what to do. Arthur obviously cares for him, and dare he think it, holds some affection for him. At the most, Arthur considers him as a friend. But that is it. Somehow, that seems kind of worse at the moment seeing that if Arthur is a little more indifferent towards him, maybe he would have an easier time letting go of his emotions.

He drinks a large gulp of his ale and thinks of going to Lancelot. Even if the man has nothing much to share with him regarding getting over Arthur, seeing that he himself is not over Gwen, he will certainly appreciate the understanding company.

He is contemplating getting up after finishing the last dregs left of his drink when a figure of a man appears in his line of vision. Raising his gaze, he finds a familiar face. Really, it's very typical for Gwaine to be in such a place.

"Hey they, Merlin! Didn't expect to find you here! At least not this early." Gwaine is smirking at him as if he just caught Merlin in a naughty act. Merlin would have felt a bit discomfited if not for his current misery. He tried to smile back, but he must have failed since Gwaine suddenly sits on the stool in front of him and puts on a concerned look.

"So."Gwaine says.

"Yeah." Merlin replies back.

When nothing else comes from Merlin, Gwaine prompts him with a tilt of his head. "Gonna tell me about it?"

Merlin contemplates the question for a second, assessing the man. It is of no doubt that Gwaine is a trustworthy man as he has already proven a long time past despite his numerous bandying about places where there is the slightest hint of ale, but the matter is a delicate one. He cannot simply go about sharing his feelings as there is always danger in number. When it comes to things that are better away from the light of day, discretion is of utmost importance. The fewer people who know, the better.

On the other hand, he considers the knight a dear friend, and his concern is to be expected if not appreciated. It would almost seem a slight in their bond to not at least try and alleviate Gwaine's worry for him.

In the end, Merlin goes for the truth, only omitting necessary details. "I need to forget someone, Gwaine."

Gwaine's eyes widen, and a look of understanding crosses his features. Merlin panics for a moment, thinking that he has been hideously obvious in his affections enough so that the knight has gotten wind of it. However, Gwaine eases his tension the next moment as he speaks of his unfortunate experiences with women, how he is completely with him in sympathy, and would he like another round of drinks after the one he is having.

Merlin laughs nervously at this, putting a hand behind his neck, silently thanking the gods of the other's blessed ignorance. After his highly decorated tales, a silence falls between them and Gwaine looks at Merlin appraisingly. Under the scrutiny, Merlin gets a little uncomfortable, more conscious of the darker circles he's been sporting the last couple of days and the slight weight he had lost along with his appetite. On outward behavior, he would not recant that he had been doing great. It does not go to say, however, that he is doing as well within himself. It is always when he is alone that the situation takes a greater hold of him. At night before sleeping, when there are no chores or people to occupy him, he cannot stop himself from worrying whether things would get better eventually or would only get worse. He also spares some thought on his current relationship with Arthur. Although he has proven a better servant, he is aware that he is doing poorly as a friend. He needs the distance, but he does not see how their friendship could handle the blow well, especially under strange circumstances that one of them are not privy to. Arthur is already showing concern. Still, Merlin is unsure if he can parry the questions that are sure to come as gracefully as the situation requires.

Heaving a great sigh, Merlin takes sudden notice of Gwaine's silence and grows nervous if he has missed more than he thought he did with his little mental walk through his emotional dilemma. He feels extremely conscious, taking far more note of how dry his throat is and how his adam's apple is bobbing quite obviously as he tries to swallow. He is about to open his mouth and ask, but Gwaine is turning, jutting his chin out to the barmaid and looking sideways at Merlin in askance. "You know, I'm quite popular in this area. I'm sure I can pull in a favor if you need one."

Merlin struggles to contain the nervous laughter bubbling up in his chest, but a desperate sounding giggle escaped him still. "I really appreciate the offer, but I don't think that'll help. You see, the person I'm trying to get over is a man." Breath whooshes out of Merlin. He doesn't know how Gwaine would take his confession. While sexual relations between two men is not forbidden the way magic once was in Camelot, not everyone feels comfortable with it, especially when the knowledge stands between the friendship of two male friends. However, somehow, he feels that he needs to tell. That for the friend that Gwaine has always been- is proving to be, perhaps he deserves to know, deserves to have a choice regarding the friends he surrounds himself with. He straightens, puts his palms on the wooden surface of the table where his fingers felt the damp rings left by the water droplets from his glass and stands up.

."Also, I think I spent enough time here already. Gaius is probably looking for me." He says, already making a move to rush out the door. He'll spend his time in the forest alone instead. That might help clear his head. However, Gwaine stands up with him and grabs his wrist.

"Merlin, I'm sorry I made the wrong assumption. However, please don't think that I mind your choices. What you do between the sheets is your own business." There is sincere worry in his voice that he might have offended Merlin, but there is also gentleness in his touch, as if trying to calm a spooked animal; reassuring, accepting, and coaxing. Merlin meets his eyes and nods.

"You're thought is well appreciated." He means it too. There is certain lightness in him after knowing part of the true measure of the friendship they share.

"I can still help you, Merlin. I'm more adventurous than you'd like to think." He winks at this, a lewd smile defining his features.

Merlin chuckles with gusto for a brief moment, unable to contain the absurdity and how completely _Gwaine_ the situation is proving to be. "To know I have friends like you willing to help is help enough, Gwaine. But Gaius truly must be looking for me, grumbling about the chores I'm supposed to be doing."

The knight chuckles in return and goes back to his seat. "Well, then. Go if you must. Just keep in mind that the offer still stands." He calls as Merlin reaches the entrance. "I will!" Merlin shouts back, making his way to the darkened streets outside. Maybe he'd just truly go to Gaius as he'd said. There would be scant to see in the woods by the time he would arrive there.

Merlin makes it until the palace entrance when he is stopped in his tracks by the sight of Arthur helping a woman, royalty basing from the quality of her drapes and the delicate sheen of her skin shown by the moonlight, down her horse. She has a quaint little smile on her face while Arthur kissed her hand, pleased, and from the flush on her cheeks, a bit smitten.

There has been no news of visitors scheduled to arrive today, and with the seeming prestige of the company now being escorted inside, there would have been grand preparations. This must be an emergency or an urgent business. Merlin is immediately curious and partly on edge as occurrences like this usually do not bode any well for the kingdom.

He is not yet summoned but he follows the entourage nonetheless. As soon as Arthur's eyes land on Merlin, he is calling him, instructing him to carry the Lady Allison's things in her room and make sure that everything is in proper order. He does as he's told without protest, carrying the bulk up a couple of staircases and long hallways. He wonders if the lady has been bringing all the wealth of their kingdom on her luggage given its great weight throughout the journey, and needless to say, he is panting and huffing by the time he opened the guest room door. Perhaps it is the strain, and also a tad bit of luck, that on his third step inside the room, his strained legs fails to raise enough to walk over a slight indentation on the floor, making him trip forward and drop the luggage he is carrying, causing it to spill some of its contents. He fumbles to try and bring the things back to where they were when he spots a piece of cloth tied with string that seems to contain something inside.

Inquisitive and already suspicious because of the circumstances, he examines it in between his hands. No sooner had he touched it than he is assaulted with whispers of magic, its gentle tendrils creeping up his palms, making his heart beat louder and his mind to be briefly clouded with fog. He recoils and throws the thing away from him as he gasps for breath. Aghast, he looks at his pants and sees an unprecedented hardness. He gulps.

The intention of Lady Allison becomes clear. The bag probably contains a potent stimulant that would need only be in physical contact with the intended partner. Paired with seduction that someone of Lady Allison's beauty could provide, it would be a strong combination that could truly ruin a man's reputation if the results are used against him. Merlin has read of one such enchanted mixture from one of his many researches while looking for cures for previous love enchantments Arthur's been subjected to. Good thing he managed not to touch the contents directly or it would have affected him more strongly and probably for longer.

Merlin frowns. Lady Allison is another one in the growing list of people trying to enchant the king to marriage. Another one that Merlin will have to prevent. He sets the ensorcelled bag upon the stone floor to set it on fire with his magic when he hears footsteps and muffled chatter from outside the doors. Quickly, he puts the bag inside his pockets and pretends to be doing his normal duties. There is a slight prickle from where the bag is nearest his body which he tries to ignore.

Within short moments, Lady Allison is in the room with Arthur bidding her a good rest. At the sounds of Merlin's scuffling to move faster to get to burning the bag before the lady discovers it missing, the pair turns to him, Arthur immediately morphing his expression in one of disdain.

"Merlin, why are you still here?" he asks exasperatedly, then looks Lady Allison in the eyes. "Please accept my apologies for my servant. He is quite the bumbling fool, and given the short notice we had of your arrival, I had no choice but to have sent him to attend to attend to your needs. Worry not as I would send a better hand immediately."

The lady chuckles daintily behind long tapered fingers, assuring the king that no offense was taken and that it is really their fault for arriving without prior notice. After the exchange, during which Merlin waited shifting foot to foot in unease, still feeling the magic tingling through him, Arthur gives Merlin a look while tilting his head as signal to follow him. He complies gratefully, shuffling quickly behind and gently closing the door behind him.

It takes them a couple of paces before Arthur stops in his tracks, making Merlin mirror the motion. When Arthur turns, that is when Merlin realizes his predicament. While he has escaped being found out by Lady Allison, he has inadvertently trapped himself in possibly a harder position. Given the nature of the sorcery, it truly is not the wisest move to find himself alone with Arthur who he already has inappropriate reactions to without the need of any magical enhancements. He should've immediately made an excuse, he thinks, since bailing out now when there is that determined confrontational glint in Arthur's eyes would be met with much suspicion.

He briefly considers telling Arthur of his discovery, but that would mean revealing and acknowledging his embarrassing predicament, which he believes is more than he could currently take. The matter of Lady Allison must be taken care of with secrecy much like the way he had always dealt with things before magic was once again accepted in the kingdom.

"Merlin." Arthur begins and Merlin is brought back to his current problem. Being conscious of the situation only serves to make him hyper aware of the circumstances, of Arthur standing roughly a meter and a half away from him, wanting to talk to him- something he had missed the past couple of days- with his arms crossed on his chest, emphasizing their bulk. Arthur licks his lips in preparation for what seems to be a tensed, rehearsed speech. Merlin follows it with his eyes and prays Arthur does not notice.

"There is a matter I wish to discuss with you." Arthur tries to look him in the eye, but Merlin thinks it wiser to avoid it. He instead directs his gaze to the floor, which leads him to inevitably look up to Arthur's feet and then to fixate on his well-formed calves. He does not do it on purpose, but he finds himself unable to stop.

He does not notice that Arthur has not continued until after several moments and there is an awkward sounding clearing of throat.

"Well, Merlin. I have taken notice that you have been acting a bit strangely these past few days. You seem…less loud, more focused on fulfilling your duties, and quite honestly, better at them too." Merlin knows what Arthur is talking about regardless of the slight pounding that he begins hearing in his head, but while this is so, he knows that he must avoid revealing the true reasons behind his actions as long as he possibly can. Given the current circumstances, he is most unprepared to face such predicaments that his confession would bring.

"Thank you, Sire." He answers, briefly meeting Arthur's eyes before moving them away again, now to focus on Arthur's broad chest.

Arthur feels a little disconcerted with the answer, somewhat off-balance. It is not the answer he is expecting. He shifts his weight and places his hands on his waist instead, knotting his forehead and contorting his face the way he does when he is trying to properly express something to best address a delicate situation. " That is not what I meant. Well, yes I meant that, and I am overjoyed that after all these years, it has been proven that there is hope in you yet. However, … you have changed."

The shifting of Arthur's weight has Merlin putting his attentions to Arthur's waist, the slight jut of his hip, and the curve of his body as his torso meets his thighs and buttocks. He unconsciously bites his lips. "I take it that I changed for the better then?" he asks distractedly.

Arthur stares dumbfounded at his servant for a few moments. He thought that confronting Merlin about his recent change of heart would be hard, but this is harder. In want of gauging Merlin, he finally gives more attention to Merlin himself rather than his nerves and notices his now apparent distraction. He also notes the slight flush on his face, the shortness of his breath, and the slight trembling which wracks his thin form. Now that he thinks of it, Merlin's voice also seemed a bit rough when he answered him.

"No, Merlin. That's not what I mean. Hey." Arthur crosses the small distance between him and Merlin in one smooth step, placing his palms on the other's shoulders and giving him a little shake. "Are you okay? You're flushed."

Merlin startles visibly from the sudden contact. He raises his head and is suddenly faced with Arthur's concern and a warm calloused palm upon his forehead. He shivers.

"I think you ought to see Gaius. Our talk can wait."

"Yeah…" Merlin replies breathlessly as he feels himself vibrating in place. It is as if he were cold when he feels hot all over. The sheer want that accompanies it is something that Merlin has never felt before. Uncontrollable, as if he were not human but simply an animal running on instincts. He needs to run.

But the look on Arthur's face, the frown on his face, the tightness of his lips, and his wavering right hand stopped a few inches from reaching Merlin's arm do not allow immediate retreat. He knows Arthur truly cares for he has a big heart that is capable of loving a whole kingdom including its one lovelorn servant under the influence of some spell.

"Yeah, I should see Gaius." Merlin takes a deep breath and gathers the courage and control to take a hold of Arthur's forearm, giving it a slight reassuring squeeze. He lets the contact last its appropriate lifespan and then a bit more. He is not that good after all. "I'm sorry, Arthur." He says and means it. He is sorry, truly, that his feelings has grown and has become an almost tangible force between them. He wants to reassure Arthur that everything would be okay, but he is not sure that it will be. The only thing he can promise is that they will confront this. One way or another, he has to explain the changes that have happened whether because things would be back to normal or because they could not. The truth is optional. "We will talk about this, Arthur. Just…not now."

Arthur nods at him and stays rooted to the spot as he follows Merlin's figure with his gaze as he goes.

Merlin rushes away. He seems to be doing that often after confrontations with Arthur. He hates it. He remembers the days when he can comfortably share space with Arthur, spend time with him cajoling, teasing, sharing rare counsels that has been growing more and more often before this whole dilemma, having fun without the fear of betraying Arthur's friendship.

Gaius is not in their rooms when he arrives. Just as well. He makes quick work in burning the small bag on the stone floor and goes to his room, slamming the door shut. He leans his weight on it as his knees begin to tremble and lose their strength the moment he finds a private moment. With quick, unsteady motions, he fumbles with his trousers' laces until they gave. Slithering his hand in, he takes firm hold of his cock. It only takes a few tugs before he is coming, splattering a bit of cum on his shirt and the floor in front of him.

He cries after.


End file.
